she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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