im having a threesome with these popsicles
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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