Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
