i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
