Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
