And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
