this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
