he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
