She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
