Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
