my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
