then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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