Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
