I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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