Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
