omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
