you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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