I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
