Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
