I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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