my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
