I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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