thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
