I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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