I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When did angry sex become our thing?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
