i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
