so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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