farters have to be the big spoon...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
