Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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