It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
