dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
