my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
well you can't waste a boner
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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