he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
