I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
