He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
