and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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