actually, I'm a sock model
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
