I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
