Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His nipple licking is glorious
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