Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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