i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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