I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
