you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
