I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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