What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
