Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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