Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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