yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
