i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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