What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
