pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
