With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think a kid would responsible me up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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