Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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