this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
