yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
