Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
