She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
