I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
