I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
