I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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