I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
