I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
