onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
