Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
